3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
