My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
