Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
