Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
