I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
