This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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