My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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