dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize