Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
