More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
