I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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