hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
