i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do herpes really smell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
