She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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