are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
