you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
