he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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