I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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