People with herpes should wear stickers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
