My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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