I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
