Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
