It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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