i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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