Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
