He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
