sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
