dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
