Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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