the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
