I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
