2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
