So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
