You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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