Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
