I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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