is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
