Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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