It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
