Please, let me fuck your mom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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