so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
