so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
