The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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