Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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