when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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