just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
