Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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