Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
