you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
