I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
