I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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