Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
