I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
