i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
