well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
