i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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