he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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