happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
