I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
