Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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