i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
