God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
