She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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