Fuck appropriateness.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
