he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
