Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk is not a location!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
