I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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