Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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