So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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