dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
