I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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