Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
