He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
